[Discussion] Third time's the charm, right?

I have had a lot of issues starting off. I ate the wrong food, I was hungry all the time, I ate things I wasn't supposed to because of temptation, I spent too much on groceries, I was told multiple times when I came here for help that I had an unhealthy relationship with food, which is not wrong, but also not what I needed, and I ate more in a day than I probably should have. Needless to say it has been quite rocky.

I watched a documentary over the last few days in my off time at work about sugar, and how sugar in our food is killing us. I looked up how much sugar someone should have in a day, and logged to myself in the back of my mind how much sugar I eat in a day.

I never had problems with addiction. I smoked cigarettes socially, but one day I said I didn't want to smoke anymore, and I haven't since. I drink alcohol, but I've never "needed" a drink; I've never felt so overwhelmed by the power of alcohol that I could not stop myself from drinking. I haven't had a drink in a few weeks, mainly because I don't really feel like it, but I work for a beer distributor, so I am constantly surrounded by beer. I used to smoke the ganga, but I haven't in a while, maybe a few years, and I don't feel that need to smoke; I never have. It was always just some way to take some of the aches and pains away from the day, or to relax before going to bed, but it was never a necessity.

What makes sugar so different. If I can stop smoking and not have temptations to drink alcohol, and not need marijuana to sleep at night, how the hell have I allowed myself to be completely controlled by sugar? How could I let this happen? How could something so small, innocent, and adorable in its many forms be so deadly?

How do I stop the madness? How does one break free from the cage without going into blind sugar blackouts and binge-eating zebra cakes and donuts? How does one do this with not will-power and discipline?

It seems impossible. And I've actually reached a point where I am afraid. I don't want to be addicted to anything. I just want to be. And the sugar binge blackouts scare the fuck out of me. I am not in control of my own body.

I am sorry for ranting, I just needed to share.

submitted by berrie88

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